Realizations series
by corneroffandom
Summary: Rockstar Spud and Ethan Carter III short stories either from during Realizations or continuing on after it will be posted here
1. Push

Life outside of jail takes getting used to. Dixie is still recovering and refuses most visitors, Ethan is distant and mad, and Spud... Spud has his own problems to work through. He sits on the porch and rocks back and forth wearily in a swing, trying to hold his emotions in. Time has gone by slowly since Spud's release, since Ethan had taken him to the hospital. Since... He closes his eyes, shaking his head. Tries to think about other things.

Ethan is angry, Dixie will barely look at him, and Spud's not sure what's going to happen next. Ethan blames everyone around him for what's happened to Dixie- from Ryck, to Rhino, to the fans, to the other members of the roster. Spud's not sure how he's exempt from Ethan's anger when it was his fainting that'd caused all of this, and he can't help but wonder if perhaps it's pity over what happened to him in jail... He closes his eyes and rocks back and forth a little harder, wanting nothing more than to go flying higher and higher until he falls out of this world and can just find peace, quiet. No horrible thoughts and emotions to weigh him down.

He's still sitting there, the sun setting, when he hears rushed footsteps coming towards the side door, his head lifting from his knees as Ethan barrels through the delicate glass doors, stopping short when he spots Spud. They stare at each other, quiet and tense, until Spud whispers, "Sir?"

Ethan swallows hard and walks over to Spud, clearly trying to keep himself under control. "You were out here this whole time," he sighs out, a maelstrom of emotions in his voice.

Spud nods, staring up at him. "Yessir... I'm sorry... Is there something you needed me for?"

Ethan sighs and drops to his knees in front of Spud, searching his face. "No, not... not like you're thinking. I just... didn't know where you were." His brow furrows as he takes in the quietly tired gleam in Spud's eyes. "I just... wanted to apologize. I know things have been hard... lately. And I'm not making things any easier for you."

"It's fine," Spud says, his lips pale and dry as he tries to accept everything that Ethan's been doing, saying lately, in comparison to the man standing before him right now.

"No, it's not," he sighs. "There's a reason for it, and if you just hold on... be patient with me, I promise everything will be better soon. Alright?"

Spud nods, it a natural reaction to believe Ethan. "Of course, sir," he whispers, leaning forward and hugging his best friend. "I believe you."

Ethan closes his eyes and pats Spud's back, hoping he can keep this promise. "Thank you."


	2. Rage

Spud's nightmares are brutal most nights. Tears, yells, thrashing around until Ethan can get through to him, calm him down. His taking his anger towards Rhino out on Spud definitely hadn't helped. He's bedraggled and worn out, and can't even imagine how Spud feels after repetitive nights like these. Spud's still curled up next to him, breathing in and out gently, when Ethan gingerly reaches over and finds his phone.

Spud doesn't even stir, to Ethan's relief, and he rests a hand on Spud's back while using the other to scroll through his twitter timeline. Going from there to his email, he hums to himself, peering over at Spud's calm expression, lips parted slightly as he breathes in and out. "Hm," he smiles, stroking Spud's back before turning back to his phone. Inbox loaded, he scrolls through the standard junk mail and random booking requests before finding that his dad had emailed me.

 _For Spud,_ the subject line reads and Ethan clicks it, blinking at the link that comprises the email's body. _Oh c'mon, Dad,_ he thinks with a soft, affectionate huff before clicking the link. It takes him to an article about women enjoying dating shorter men, his dark eyes once more flickering over to Spud. He shakes his head slowly but sends the link on to Spud's twitter account anyway so Spud will see it when he wakes up. Returning to social media, Ethan reads through inane things fans have been saying lately, waiting for Spud to wake up, to see his reaction to the article.

It thankfully doesn't take long before his blue eyes flutter open and he yawns, wiping at his eyes before sitting up. "Oh, sir," he says in some surprise, flushing as he remembers the night before. He's about to get up, start bustling around, as he does when nervous or anxious, but Ethan curls an arm around him and draws him back to the pillows. "Sir?"

"Stay and relax for awhile, Spud. We're in no hurry today." Ethan runs his fingers through Spud's soft, sleep mussed blond hair before turning his attention back to his phone, staring blankly at the words there while he waits to see what Spud will do.

He hesitates, clearly torn, before scooting over and grabbing his own phone, deciding to mimic Ethan's actions and see what's going on. He sees Ethan's tweet almost immediately, shoulders tensing as he reads the start of the article, and for a moment Ethan second guesses how wise it was to send it to him. After everything he'd been through, Ethan's sure dating tips are the last thing he wants to hear about. He comes close to plucking the phone out of Spud's fingers, telling him it was stupid, never mind, but he refrains, biting his lip as Spud finishes reading and closes the tab out. "Why did you send that to me, sir?" he finally asks faintly.

"My father found it, and emailed it to me." Ethan hesitates, not liking the pain in Spud's voice. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should've known better-"

Some of the tension leaves Spud's face then and he shakes his head slowly. "It's fine, sir. Don't worry about it. You haven't had your caffeine yet, is all." His smile is small, a little pained, and Ethan wonders at it, reaching out to stop Spud from getting up once more. "I don't like girls, you know, sir."

Something clicks with Ethan in this moment and he swallows, Spud's piercing blue eyes locked on him. "Oh," he whispers, finally allowing Spud to get up, start his day off in the standard way- making coffee, ordering breakfast, finding a suit to wear, preparing Ethan's shower and _his_ clothes. Ethan's eyes remain on him the entire way, his lips twisting as he thinks maybe the article was wrong for more reasons than he'd initially figured. For some reason, this takes some of the weight off of his chest that'd been there since he'd first seen the article.

He smiles and stands up to get some coffee.


	3. Labor

Most nights it's hard to sleep, Spud's dreams full of Dixie going through the table, and his time in jail. Other awful, pain memories that he'd rather not remember. It's even harder to get out of bed after nights like this, and half of the time, he's not welcome in Dixie's house, only managing to sneak in because she's bedridden while her back recovers so they barely interact. When she does spot him, however, he ducks out, stays with Josh Mathews or Jeremy Borash for awhile. He doubts either man really likes him much, but they tolerate him, and it keeps Ethan from getting into trouble with his aunt, so it's a sacrifice he's willing to make.

On one of these mornings, he wakes up to the sun in his eyes and realizes that he's sleeping on Josh's couch, grimacing and rolling over gingerly, almost falling off when he spots his phone on the floor. Reaching for it, he realizes that the vibrate setting had been on when he'd fallen asleep, texts and calls from Ethan going unanswered. Flushing, he checks Twitter and finds a tweet there as well, telling him that he doesn't get Labor Day off and to make himself useful. Although he knows it's Ethan keeping up appearances for his aunt, it twists somewhere deep inside and he quietly pulls free from the blanket that Josh had provided him, finding his shoes and pulling them on.

Sneaking out of the apartment quietly, he gets to his car and drives through the sleepy Nashville roads back to Dixie's house, putting in the code and parking in the back of the house, where she always made him go, not wanting the neighbors to see his unimpressive vehicle in among the nice, pristine surroundings. He carefully unlocks the front door and peeks inside, taking a breath and walking inside. "Sir?" he whispers, peering into the living room. He's about to check the kitchen and pool when fingers grip his arm and carefully turn him around, Spud's breath hitching as he looks up fearfully. "Sir," he realizes, relaxing slowly.

"Didn't mean to scare you," Ethan whispers to him. "Come on, before Aunt D wakes up." He guides him down the hall to his own bedroom and eases Spud over to the bed, taking a chair a few feet away so Spud will feel at ease with the situation. "Where were you last night? I went to find you and you weren't anywhere in the house..." He frets with his sleeve, barely able to meet Spud's eye. "I... I was worried."

"Madam Dixie saw me last night and she wasn't thrilled, so..." Spud swallows and looks away. "I went to stay with Josh Mathews. I don't want to get you into trouble, sir, and this is her house. I don't want to intrude while she's recovering..." Squaring his shoulders, he faces Ethan. "What is this work you require of me? I saw your tweet, all of the phone calls and texts."

Ethan shakes his head, waving it off. "It was just my way to get you to come home. I was worried when you disappeared like that, but there's nothing you need to do that can't wait until tomorrow, no matter what Aunt D says." Standing up, he sits down next to Spud and rests his cheek against the other man's head. "What do you say you get cleaned up, change clothes, and we'll go explore Nashville? See where the road takes us. This house is feeling pretty damn stifling right now."

"Alright," Spud whispers, head spinning with how this is going. Instead of working alone in some painfully quiet office that creaks and groans and makes him think someone's about to attack him at any moment, he gets to spend the day with his best friend instead. "Thank you, sir."

"You don't need to thank me," Ethan says quietly. "And Spud?" When he turns to face Ethan, his lips quirk upwards. "Next time you need to get out of the house, let me know and I'll book a hotel for you. No need to have to surround yourself with Josh Mathews germs more than necessary after all."

Spud laughs softly for the first time in Ethan's not sure, nodding. "Alright, sir. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Ethan sighs, watching him leave and wondering how to make him stop thanking him for the smallest thing. _In time,_ he decides, settling back against the soft mattress to wait for Spud to return so the best holiday he'll have had in awhile can begin.


	4. Abandoned

Spud loses decisively to Rhino. It's no real surprise, he'd been floundering _before_ Ethan had given up on him and left. Afterwards, two gores later, he's laying in the ring, motionless and entirely out of it. Rhino stands outside of the ring, watching him with a frown, before realizing that Spud's mumbling under his breath, his voice lifting until Rhino realizes he's calling out for Ethan. Voice weak, body trembling from the force of the offense he'd taken the last few minutes, but still... begging for Ethan to help him.

Shaking his head, the former enforcer slips back into the ring far enough to grab Spud's hand and pull him out towards the ramp, lifting him up onto his shoulder and carrying him out. He keeps a stabilizing hand on Spud's back, not too surprised to find Ethan standing near the curtain, shifting awkwardly and trying to look disinterested when he realizes Rhino is with Spud. Rolling his eyes, Rhino walks up to him and drops Spud into his arms, stepping back with an unimpressed glare. "Here, I think you left this behind."

Ethan grits his teeth, instinctively holding onto Spud's lax body, relieved when Rhino leaves the area. Brushing blond strands out of his eyes, Ethan peers down at Spud worriedly, before hoisting him higher and carrying him down the hall. "It's ok, I'm here now," he mumbles into his neck, hating himself a little more for leaving him behind like that.

Spud whimpers into Ethan's shoulder, his ribs throbbing, his entire body feeling like Rhino had almost cut him in two. "Sir," he moans, fingers digging into Ethan's back.

"I know, I know," Ethan breathes out, kicking the door to his private locker room open and settling Spud on his couch. "It's ok, we're here now, you're safe." He shifts Spud's shirt up and stares at the bruises from where Rhino's shoulder had impacted staining his sternum already, cringing. "Shit..."

"Hurts to breathe," Spud whines, writhing away when Ethan presses down on his ribs.

"Sorry, sorry," Ethan hisses through his nose, letting up and looking at him, troubled. "I need to get the trainer. Something might really be wrong here..." Spud nods, allowing Ethan up. Kneeling down quickly once more, Ethan cups his face and offers him a warm, soft kiss. "It's just an act, never forget that," he pleads with him before leaving the room.

Spud's in pain and confused about why Ethan would tell him that until Ethan returns with a thunderous, impatient look on his face, and stands a few feet away, arms crossed in front of his chest as he watches on, disinterestedly. The trainer confirms he has at least two broken ribs but says unless it affects his breathing, there's not much to be done. He offers Spud some pain medicine before leaving, Ethan taking it from him with a dark look. The trainer reports to Dixie, as does most of them, so Ethan has to be careful.

Despite his warning to Spud before leaving, Ethan can't help but notice the disoriented, sad look on Spud's face that only makes him feel worse. As soon as the trainer stops talking and leaves, Ethan locks the door behind him and rushes back to Spud's side, cupping his face. "It's ok, it's ok," he soothes him. "Just an act, remember? Just an act." He kisses the top of Spud's head and rocks him back and forth. "You're going to be ok."

"Are we?" he asks wearily.

"Of course we are," Ethan murmurs. "Of course." He won't have it any other way. no matter what Dixie might think about it.


	5. Friendship

The timing is pathetic, considering how Ethan's been treating Spud lately. He knows he could've chosen to do this so much sooner, maybe when it'd actual meant something to the other man... but he can't go back and change things, make them better. He sighs and brushes a hand down the samples of a light blue shirt with FRIENDSHIP imprinted below a picture of them from their wrestling exhibition all of those months ago. When things were simpler, when Dixie was still healthy. When Spud wasn't broken... He sighs and rests his hand over the applique, smoothing out a couple of wrinkles. "Oh, well, better late than never," he decides, which had become the motto of his life anymore.

He returns home, eager to see Spud, show him the shirt designs and give him his copy. But when he returns, the house is quiet, even with Dixie laid up with her back problems and Spud walking on tiptoes whenever he gets anywhere near her. The staff is quiet, the yard workers are quiet, it's almost as if night time had arrived early. Ethan purses his lips and explores the house a bit, looking for a sign of any sort of life anywhere. "Spud?" he mumbles, peering into the empty bedroom. "Dammit, where is everyone?"

Jeeves appears, raising his eyebrows at Ethan with his usual, patient smile when he jumps and almost yells at the butler. "Madam Dixie has requested silence, sir," he explains. "The staff and I are attempting to accomodate her."

Ethan grimaces, knowing that this means it's one of her worse than usual days. "Alright," he whispers. "How about Spud? Is he anywhere around here?"

"Living room, sir," Jeeves whispers before smiling at him and taking his leave.

Ethan breathes a little easier now knowing that Spud at least is somewhere in the house, closing the bedroom door and heading towards the living room. It's dark and quiet in there as well and he _almost_ thinks that Jeeves was wrong but then he hears a soft whimper and frowns, all too familiar with that sound. He follows it to the side couch, finding Spud shivering in his sleep there. Ethan barely notices anymore but for Spud, of course, the cooler temperatures his aunt insists on keeping the house at leaves him miserable nine times out of ten. Which, Ethan suspects, may be part of the reason Dixie does it.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Ethan tries to keep his temper in check before grabbing the stack of shirts and helping Spud to sit up before putting one of them over his thin frame. Spud twists around a bit and groans softly. "Ethan..."

"It's ok, Spud," he breathes out. "I'm here. Let's get you warmed up, huh?" Ignoring any possibly nosy eyes lurking around watching, he picks Spud up and carries him into his own bedroom, settling him down in the sheets. Ethan kicks his shoes off and joins him, smiling when Spud instinctively nuzzles into his warmth all on his own.

"Sir," he murmurs, lips pressing against Ethan's throat. "I missed you." 

"I missed you too," Ethan sighs. "Don't worry, you'll be warm soon." 

"I hope so, sir," he breathes out. "I'm tired of being cold."

Ethan isn't even sure what to say to that, hugging Spud close and kissing the top of his head as his shivers slowly abate. He loves his aunt, he really does, but sometimes, like this moment, he just outright hates her.

It takes awhile but finally Spud wakes up, warm and comfortable and unwilling to move. Ethan smiles down at him and rests his hand on his chest, causing him to feel the interesting design of the shirt. "What is this, sir?" he whispers, looking down at the blue, and then seeing the logo of the _Friendship_ shirt. "Oh..." He flushes as Ethan smiles. "This... you made this for... us?"

"And to sell to other people," he says. Spud's flush darkens as a strange flash of emotion crosses his eyes. "What is it?"

Spud shakes his head. "It's quite an intimate looking moment to put on a shirt... sir..."

Ethan chuckles. "Well, yes, that's true," he sighs. "But there are people out there who ship us. And you know the strangest thing, Spud?"

"What?"

Ethan leans closer so they're eye to eye and stares intently at him. "I kind of do too."

Spud sputters, then falls silent. "Sir..." He shakes his head, looking truly sad about it. "I can't..."

"I know," Ethan tells him. "But when you're ready... I'll be here for you."

Spud looks like he's had the worst tan of his life by now, flushing hot against Ethan's chest. But when he speaks, he sounds more self-assured than he has in a long time. "Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome, Spud," Ethan whispers, kissing the top of his head and settling back down with him in his arms so they can rest for awhile, finish getting nice and warm before Dixie's next rampage.


	6. Bowtie

Spud hasn't been having a good time of it lately. His body aches, his mind is racing with troubled thoughts, and there's an uncomfortable tension between him and Ethan now. Dixie still refuses to speak to Spud, and his job is barely doable anymore because everyone at the offices keep whispering whenever they see him. Even so, he trudges after Ethan, weighed down with their suitcases, determined to see this through. North Carolina hadn't been bad, for the most part. It's not in Tennessee or Florida, thankfully, so he feels like he has a little more freedom from Dixie and her far reach while she recovers, but still, they have to act the part to a certain degree and it wears on him. As soon as they get back to the hotel, he knows, he can drop the bags and stop pretending to be scared of Ethan and then they can just relax for the rest of the night, but it's just _getting_ there that's the problem.

Ethan's talking to the driver on the phone a few feet away, lecturing him for being late, when Spud sees a little girl playing on the sidewalk with chalk. She looks cute, if a little lonely, and he half-smiles when she looks up at him, eyes dark and fixed on him. His hands are full still so he hopes she doesn't beg him to play with her, knowing that it'd just serve to annoy Ethan even further. When she stands up and approaches him, he swallows hard. "Hello there," he says, putting his luggage down on the ground and bracing Ethan's on top so it won't get dirty before kneeling enough that they're almost eye to eye. "What are you drawing over there?"

He should've learned after months of dealing with the Carters that being nice rarely gets him anywhere, but still. The last thing he expects is this little she-demon of a child to spit at him and grab his bowtie while he's stunned speechless, the liquid dripping down onto the front of his suit. He falls back, the force of it and the surprising strength of her grip enough to rip the bowtie from his throat, the burn of the fabric as it goes leaving him even more shocked as he grips at his skin. He blinks and she's gone, racing down the street with a disturbingly delighted laugh. It had been his favorite red bowtie too...

By the time Ethan finishes reaming the driver out, Spud is back on his feet again, carrying the bags and staring straight ahead like nothing had happened. "Hey, where'd your bowtie go?" he wonders as they finally get into the car, Spud's lips pursing as he shakes his head glumly. Figuring that Spud had just put it in his suitcase and opting to let it go, Ethan waits until they're back at the hotel to gently pry the luggage from his fingers and lay them down at the end of the bed. "C'mere," he beckons, wrapping an arm around Spud and hugging him for the first time all day since they'd left the hotel. "What do you say we get comfortable and watch some awful TV and eat some room service until we both fall asleep?"

Spud's nod is the encouragement he needs to slip his hands under his jacket and gently pull it off, his brows immediately furrowing as he sees the red marks around Spud's throat. Even spray tan couldn't hide this. He grows even angrier when Spud flinches at his touch, his eyes widening as he realizes what Ethan's looking at. "What _happened?"_ he snaps, ghosting his fingers against the marks circling all around Spud's throat. Shoulders slumping, Spud confesses all to him and _almost_ smiles when Ethan begins cursing about little brats and worthless parents. "Stay here," Ethan barks at him, storming out of the hotel room and leaving an uncomfortable Spud behind.

He remembers the area they'd been at, not surprised when he sees another kid running around, playing with a toy car. "Hey, kid. You. Do you know about some girl around here? Might be bragging about a bright red bowtie she has with her now?"

His eyes are wide as he nods and silently points towards a house on the corner, quickly scurrying away once Ethan's intensity isn't focused on him anymore. "Stupid kids, all alike," he mumbles, approaching the house.

Spud is all but pacing around the hotel room when Ethan finally returns, bags of food in one hand and Spud's bowtie in the other. Spud gapes at it before sinking down onto the bed, coming _this_ close to missing it entirely and sitting on the floor. "Sir, what did you _do?"_ he breathes out after a moment.

"I went to get us some food, obviously," he says. When Spud rolls his eyes at him, he laughs and sits down next to Spud, wrapping an arm around him. "Let's just say when parents learn their child has stolen a Carter's best friend's favorite bowtie, there's usually a lot of fussing and panicking and scrambling to make everything right." Kissing the top of Spud's head, he settles the bowtie in his hand and whispers, "It's a little dirty, but we'll take it to the drycleaners in the morning and everything will be just fine again."

"Thank you, sir," Spud sniffs, burying his face in Ethan's chest as he strokes through Spud's soft blond hair. He makes a faint noise when Ethan digs in one of the bags, pulling out some ointment which he begins smearing along Spud's still inflamed throat, easing some of the pain there.

"Better?" Ethan whispers.

"Much," Spud agrees, his expression a little happier when he pulls back. "Thank you, sir."

Ethan smiles and cups his face, kissing him gently. "Always, Spud. Now, I'll go wash my hands and we'll eat. How's that sound?"

"Great," Spud says with a soft smile, watching him get up and duck into the bathroom. It's a long road ahead of them yet, he knows, but, especially after nights like tonight, he's sure they're going to be just fine in the end.


	7. Alone

Ethan had known Spud needed the time off. He'd been through too much, and now with his ribs giving him grief after the match with Rhyno, well, it'd be an easy choice to give him the night off. But still, it stings. Being apart from him, leaving him vulnerable to Dixie's cruel machinations. When not on TV, he paces, grits his teeth, tries not to pull his hair out as time ticks by aggravatedly slowly. When on TV, he's angry and yelling, beating Rhyno down as memories from the week prior torment him, everyone thinking his anger is led by one thing when really it's a number of things at once.

Backstage once more, Ethan sits and stares ahead blankly, waiting for the show to end so he can leave. Not that staying alone in the spacious penthouse will make him feel any better, but at least there he has some privacy, without so many eyes on him, willing to run to his aunt at the smallest provocation and narc on him about any little thing he does that she might find issue with.

So he paces some more, watching the monitor desperately, eager for the moment when he'll be free to go. As soon as the screen goes black, he's out, grabbing his bag and jogging for the parking lot. Sinking into the fancy car waiting and barking at his driver to go feels like some sort of nirvana, tapping his fingers nervously on his thighs as streets race past. He nods at the driver on his way out, trudging towards the the hotel as realization once more of how lonely the penthouse is going to be washes over him. He drops his bag at the foot of the bed and stares at it, gritting his teeth against how quiet, how empty everything feels. It's after 10 PM and he doesn't want to call Spud and risk waking him up, but-

His phone suddenly buzzes in his hand and Ethan frowns, staring down at it before answering it. "Hello?"

"Hullo, sir," Spud greets him, sounding sleepy but all in all, ok. "Are you... alright?"

Ethan shakes his head, thinking about everything Spud's endured and how he still cares about Ethan over himself. "How are _you_?" he tries to course correct the conversation, releasing a soft breath when Spud chuckles weakly.

"I'm fine, sir. I'll be well enough to be back on the road with you next week, I promise."

"Don't worry about that," Ethan says, catching himself just before he can snap at Spud, impatient and annoyed with how little Spud cares about himself. "You take as much time as you need. I want your ribs 100% before you even think about showing back up here at the arena. Alright?"

Spud doesn't say anything for a moment, then his soft little whisper of, "I miss you, sir," tears at Ethan's chest.

That's what it is. Ethan's not the only one lonely and dejected with the absence of his best friend. He swallows and scrubs at his face before putting the phone back against his ear. "I miss you too, Spud. I'll see you ASAP tomorrow, ok? Now close your eyes... get some sleep."

"Alright, sir," he sighs into the phone.

Ethan starts to talk, not really saying anything of significance, just some random story from when he was a child, the first time he'd gone to a zoo with EC2. Spud's giggle makes him smile when he tells of how a duck had stolen some bread right from his fingers and had frightened him, sending him behind his father for protection. Spud's reactions grow further in between, quieter and more muffled until Ethan hears him breathing softly, fast asleep. He breathes out, "Good night, Spud," before hanging up and rolling over to begin his own attempt at sleep.

Somehow knowing that Spud is safe and warm, comfortable and asleep, eases his turmoiled thoughts and he's out within minutes.


	8. Flirting

_Hullo sir._

Ethan grimaces when his phone vibrates, aware of that it means. Spud's bored, because they're separated due to his rib injuries. Ordinarily he'd be ok with it except that he's at the arena, waiting for the next show, and if he gets caught texting Spud, well... _Hullo, Spud,_ he texts back, trying to cut this off at the pass.

 _I miss you, sir._

Ethan stops short at this, pained by the honest emotion he can feel behind the words. "Dammit, Spud," he mumbles, continuing on his way. The phone goes off again and Ethan sucks in a deep breath, staring at the new words.

 _The mansion is lonely without you._

 _I'll be back by your side next week, sir._

On and on and on it goes, every few minutes. Ethan groans, wishing he could think of a way to respond but Spud's always been better with emotions and comforting things to say than he. He's not thinking too clearly when he half-jokingly sends a text, _Stop flirting with me_ , staring at his phone when it abruptly goes quiet. He frowns, wondering if perhaps Spud had taken it personally, although he's said much worse things to him in the past... before noticing, although texts aren't coming in, his tweet alert count is growing steadily. "Oh no," he mumbles.

Sure enough, when he checks, his text had been sent to Twitter. He pales and reads through the tweets in response, growing even more nauseous when he sees someone telling him not to indirectly tweet Spud. _Shit!_ He doubts it's anyone who actually knows but still... Closing out the twitter app, he returns to his texts. _Spud?_

 _I won't bother you again, sir._

Ethan breathes out roughly, pinching his nose. "Son of a bitch," he mumbles. Tweeting it publicly had been a dumb mistake, but worse than that is hurting Spud's feelings when he's still so vulnerable after everything. He'd just wanted to tease him a little, but of course Spud would've taken it seriously either way.

Deciding this isn't something to be handled via phone call or text, he waits until he returns home the next day. When he arrives, Spud is sitting in his bedroom, staring down at a pile of paperwork from the office, and Ethan lightly settles down next to him, pulling the papers away. As Spud breathes in and out next to him, Ethan lightly wraps an arm around him. "Spud," he mumbles.

"I won't text you while you're at work again," he says simply, still not looking Ethan in the eye. It's hard to tell from this angle but Ethan is mostly certain he's crying. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

Ethan sighs and rests his jaw against the top of Spud's head. "Listen, it was... I wasn't serious, it was supposed to be a text, but I accidentally sent it to twitter. I just... you know I'm not good with emotional responses and stuff. It doesn't mean you really have to stop texting me. I just might not always respond, ok? Especially if there are a lot of people around."

Spud swallows, then nods. "Alright, sir." He finds Ethan's hand and begins playing with his fingers, closing his eyes. "The only reason I like texting or tweeting you these things is... you get this look on your face... it's gentle, and affectionate and... you may think you're bad at responding verbally but I just have to look at you and I know how you're feeling. Even when I'm not with you, I can imagine the look on your face and it makes it a little bit easier for me. Does that make any sense?"

Ethan fights against the myriad of emotions warring within him as he hugs Spud tighter. "Yeah, Spud, it makes sense," he murmurs. "Feel free to text or tweet me whenever, whatever you want. I get it now."

Spud's smile is soft as he presses against Ethan's side, nodding happily while Ethan's fingers tease through his hair, sorting through the blond strands going this way and that thanks to his latest hair cut.


	9. Stickers

It starts when Ethan opens his eyes to find a blue circle over his head on the headboard. He stares at it, grimacing. _I'm With Spud._ There's another on his doorknob, one on the coffee machine in the kitchen. A couple on the shower curtain, another on the light blue chair poolside. When Ethan dunks into the pool and opens his eyes, it's to find another sticker pressed against the bottom of the pool. He stares at it before surfacing with a sigh, shaking the water from his hair. A little trail showing where Spud has been so far today.

Dixie won't like it, Ethan's sure, but it's a little amusing. Spud is clearly excited to have stickers, and Ethan can only imagine what he's doing to the office with them. After a few hours spent at home, the curiosity eats at him and he orders his driver to take him to downtown Nashville. He exhales as soon as they arrive, knowing immediately what he's going to walk in on. There's a sticker on the glass door pane. There's another on the elevator, and one leading into the main offices. From there, it's random- a mug here, a picture frame there, even on one of the reception's phones. People are picking on random stickers pressed to their staplers, to their mousepads, anything and everything.

"Sticker-mania is running wild," he mumbles, turning down a hall where another sticker is now residing on a thermostat. He can only imagine how his aunt will feel about this when she finds out, a thread of worry easing through him when he turns another corner and... runs right into someone. He knows without looking that it's Spud, only Spud fitting against him so perfectly, so he reaches out and steadies him. "Hey, watch where you're going," he says teasingly.

Spud sputters and looks up before calming. "Oh, sir. Wha- why are you here? Is something wrong with Madam Dixie? I-"

Ethan shakes his head quickly. Despite everything she'd put poor Spud through, he still cares about her. "No, my aunt's fine. I just... wanted to see what you were up to around here." He looks from sticker to sticker and chuckles as Spud grimaces, still pressed against his chest. "It's an innovative color scheme, but I think people would prefer to be able to use their staplers without stickers gumming them up, you know?" He smiles, running his fingers through Spud's hair and feeling as he shivers against him.

"I suppose you're right," he sighs morosely, leaning into Ethan some more. "I suppose... I just thought perhaps if your aunt saw the stickers, she would remember that... I'm not all that bad, that maybe... she would find a use for me again. I can at least promote myself, sir."

"You can definitely do that, yes," Ethan says softly, hugging Spud. "But maybe not this way, hm? I don't want you getting into trouble with her. Or the others."

Spud's shoulders slump. "You're right, of course. I shouldn't ruin other people's things just because..." He pulls away from Ethan. "I should go clean up..."

But Ethan's hand rests on his arm, pulling him back. "Nah," he says quietly. "Just let them do it. They looked bored anyway, it'll probably be the most excitement they have all day." He hates the bummed look on Spud's face, aware of what his aunt's actions are doing to him, especially after everything he went through in prison. "Look, if you want to put stickers on stuff, do it to my stuff, alright?" He strokes Spud's face, waiting until the expected smile starts to twitch at his lips. "I won't mind at all."

"Really, sir?"

"Yeah." Leaning in, Ethan winks at him. "Because no matter what, I'm always with Spud too."

The hot blush that covers Spud's face in response makes all of this worth it, in spades.


	10. New Friends

As if Spud doesn't have enough to stress out about, Matt Hardy starts hanging around. Replying to tweets to him, to Ethan, about their relationship. He even offers to introduce them to Dr. Shelby, who had gained some notoriety in the wrestling business by getting Daniel Bryan and Kane to be better tag partners. Spud isn't sure what to say half of the time but Ethan seems exasperated, almost angry by the recommendations.

This is re-inforced when they're laying in Ethan's bedroom, watching a movie until Ethan's phone buzzes and Ethan stares at it, cursing darkly. Spud immediately pauses the movie and sits up, gazing at him with wide, worried blue eyes. "What's wrong, sir?"

"It's that damn Matt Hardy again," he snaps. "As if he understands anything we're going through." Ethan all but throws his phone onto the bedside table, only regretting his actions when he realizes Spud is trembling, staring at where the phone had impacted with a loud crash. Ethan exhales and closes his eyes. "Spud, I'm sorry," he breathes. "Come here." He holds an arm out and waits until Spud sniffs and settles back down against him. Ethan strokes his hair and kisses the side of his head, murmuring soothingly until Spud calms down, his breathing still a little ragged but slowly relaxing. "I didn't mean to get so angry," he mumbles. "It's just people don't get it, they never understand why I have to treat you like this publicly, and it's hard enough without advice and suggestions from people who just have no clue. You know?"

Spud nods glumly, pulling at his lip with his fingers. "I understand, sir. I'm sorry I was scared. I know you wouldn't hurt me."

Ethan kisses him again and lightly tugs his hand away from his mouth. "Of course not. Not on purpose." HIs lips are gentle against Spud's fingertips and Spud sighs, melting into Ethan's warmth. "I just don't like people telling me how to treat you because I'm doing the best I can, and I know it's crappy a lot because I have to be careful around my aunt, but you understand, right? You know why I'm doing this?"

Spud nods, staring into his eyes. "Yessir. I get it."

"Good," Ethan sighs, his hand easing back into Spud's hair.

"I'll tell Matt Hardy to stop if you want, sir," Spud offers.

"No, don't bother," Ethan murmurs. "It would probably just make him ask more questions. I'll just ignore him." Spud nods against him and Ethan smiles. "C'mon, let's unpause the movie and continue watching it." He pats around for the remote, finding Spud's hand as he does the same, their fingers curling together. Ethan chuckles and squeezes lightly, using his other hand to search, finally finding it. They continue holding hands as the movie plays on.

A few days later, they're back at the arena and Ethan turns a corner to find Matt Hardy leaning in towards Spud, talking to him intently. Spud's eyes are fixed and a dark shade of blue, and Ethan grits his teeth, fighting down jealousy as he watches them. Finally he's had enough and clears his throat roughly, stepping forward. Immediately Spud pales and pulls away from Matt, rejoining Ethan. "Hullo, sir," he says softly.

"Let's go," he barks, his hand dropping roughly on the back of Spud's neck and pushing him forward, though there's no real danger in his grip as Spud keeps up with him easily enough. They walk until they're out of Matt's view, Ethan murmuring, "You alright?"

"Yessir," Spud responds as they walk into his private locker room, Ethan quickly hugging him once the door shuts behind them. "Matt Hardy didn't really say anything new, if you were interested," he offers.

"I wasn't, but thank you," Ethan says. "Thank you for coming with me. There's something about him... I don't trust it. Be careful, alright?"

Spud nods, staring up at him. "I'll always come with you, sir."

Ethan smiles down at him, humbled and overwhelmed by Spud's easy way of declaring his feelings. Unsure what to say, he simply hugs him again before turning him around and leading him deeper into the room to discuss his upcoming match.


	11. Vacation

Tweet 1: _I need a vacation._

Tweet 2: _I'm on vacation._

Life's easy for Ethan, Spud thinks with a faint smirk as he finds himself on the personal Carter jet, flying to New York. Not that he's complaining, of course. Without Ethan having all of these things at his disposal, Spud would've never worked for his aunt, wouldn't have met him, and on and on. It's a fate Spud can't imagine. "Where are we going, sir?" Ethan had told him New York, but nothing else, so he's clueless.

"Cape Cod," Ethan says with a soft laugh at the look on Spud's face. "It's a very secluded area where only the richest people can afford to go. As you could probably guess."

Spud falters and swallows, closing his eyes. "Maybe I shouldn't have come, sir. I will be obviously out of place. People will ask questions, and what if word gets back to your aunt?"

Ethan shakes his head and cups Spud's face, making him look at him. "No, no. Like I said, it's very secluded. I've even sent the staff home for the next couple of days."

Spud swallows. "Oh. Ok. I suppose." He tries to smile at Ethan but fails, his eyes flickering to the window.

"What's wrong?" Ethan wonders quietly.

"It's a nice idea, sir, but... I have to go to TNA this week, or your aunt will grow even more suspicious if I'm not at the event."

"What do you think the plane is for?" Ethan wonders, patting his cheek. "It'll fly you there, then bring you back once the show's over so we can enjoy some more time together."

Spud turns to look at him, a hopeful gleam to his eye. "That sounds really nice, sir."

"I thought so." Ethan grins as they settle in for the rest of the flight, which passes by easily enough.

Upon landing, they're driven to the vacation home and Spud gapes out at the place Ethan points at. It's tall, with large windows and a wrap around porch. "Sir," he breathes out, getting out of the car and lagging behind Ethan as he unlocks the door and holds it open for Spud to enter. It's vast inside, fully furnished and stocked in every kind of food that could possibly be eaten the next couple of days. Spud swallows. "It's beautiful."

Ethan nods, wrapping an arm around him and smiling. "Yeah, it is. C'mon." He leads him outside and they sit on the porch, taking in the crisp, beautiful weather. The water is licking at the sand less than a mile away, Ethan smiling as Spud stares on in awe at it all. After about an hour, Ethan goes inside and heats up some meatloaf and mashed potatoes that the staff had left behind, bringing it out to the porch.

Spud gapes at the food before looking up. "I didn't know you were hungry, sir. I could've heated this up for you."

"It's fine," Ethan says. "No big deal." He passes Spud some silverware before taking a bite. "That's good." He watches until Spud takes a bite, nodding in agreement, before relaxing and eating some more.

They sit out there, enjoying each other's presence, watching the sunset. It's soothing and comforting and Ethan isn't that surprised when he looks over to find Spud sleeping. Getting up, he hoists Spud up and carries him inside, finding his way to the bedroom and laying him down on the bed, lightly kissing his forehead before heading out to lock up, turn the lights off. Once he's ready for bed himself, he settles in next to Spud and wraps an arm around him, smiling when Spud snuggles into his chest. "G'night," he whispers to him.

The next day starts early as Spud flies out for TNA, Ethan watching from the runway as the plane takes off. Returning to the house sucks, he hates making Spud go alone to TNA, but forcing the issue with Dixie would've made her suspicious, Spud had been right, so Ethan is forced to accept it. He spends the afternoon dozing inside, not wanting to go back out on the porch alone, and some of the tension leaves him when Spud texts that he's arrived at the arena safely.

They talk, later on, and Ethan realizes that the cameras are following Spud around, so he stops in mid-sentence. "Cameras are on you," he says quickly. "Act like I'm yelling at you. Quick."

Spud is fast on his feet, thankfully, and puts on a great show. "Ethan, you can't talk to me like-" He deflates. "Fine, sir. Yes, you can talk to me however you want. Yes, I will." He hangs up, looking broken on the TV and Ethan grimaces, hoping he's still acting. Finally the cameras fade to black and Spud is left alone the rest of the night.

He's slept so much of the afternoon away that it's nearly impossible for Ethan to fall asleep that night, forced to pace around the house and wait. He hopes Spud is sleeping alright at the hotel room Ethan had booked for him as he stares out at the night sky.

By morning, he's cranky and sleep deprived. Spud is tweeting up a storm, without texting Ethan once, and Ethan tweets him in caps. "DON'T RT COMPLIMENTS!" is the first tweet he sends him. "don't read your mentions" is the second and although Spud responds in an almost argumentative tone, he ultimately gives in. Ethan pinches his nose, feeling itchy as the morning passes by slowly. He's not sure what's going on, why Spud isn't on the plane yet, but it's still on the run way in Pennsylvania, and it's not helping Ethan's mood any.

Finally a text from Spud comes in. _Was trapped in meeting after meeting since your aunt wasn't present, sir. I'm sorry for not texting you sooner, there was always someone around so I couldn't. I'll be on the plane shortly._

Ethan reads it time and again, hating himself just a little. _Ok,_ he replies, walking towards the bedroom. _I miss you._

 _I miss you too, sir._

Ethan smiles faintly and drops onto the bed, his eyes immediately closing. He's still fast asleep when a soft hand grazes his face, down his back. He blinks awake lazily and stares up at Spud with a small smile, holding his arm out. Spud curls up against him and Ethan forces out sleepily, "You're home."

Spud nods. "Yessir, I am." They lay there quietly for a few moments before Spud exhales, "So, no RTs or mentions, sir?"

Ethan groans and kisses the top of Spud's head. "I was cranky earlier when I hadn't heard from you for awhile. Don't worry about it, you RT whatever you want. And enjoy your mentions, you deserve your fans' dedication."

Spud smiles against him. "I am sorry for not texting you sooner, I just couldn't risk it."

"Don't worry about it, I understand. I should've guessed it was something like that. You're fine." Ethan lightly rubs Spud's back, closing his eyes. "I think there's some casserole in the kitchen, want some lunch?"

"Yes, I am pretty hungry, sir," Spud agrees.

Ethan is too, he realizes. "Then let's go." Getting up, he finds Spud's hand and pulls him up, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as they walk into the kitchen, determined to enjoy the rest of this mini vacation now that Spud's back where he belongs.


	12. Complicated

It's an act, Spud knows. Ethan's perfectly fine when they're together, but whenever he's alone and Ethan's on twitter, things circle the drain quickly. Ethan tweets insults, tells him not to RT things, not to reply to people. It's confusing, especially when he's still triggered by memories and other things that his therapist is currently working with him on.

He exhales, scrolling through the various tweets he's received while on the plane while walking through the airport, struggling to reply to as many as he can before Ethan yells at him. Sure enough, eventually it comes, the order not to reply or RT compliments, or anything else, and his resolve crumbles. He apologies in a couple of the replies but then falls quiet after that, exiting the airport. He has just enough money on him for a taxi ride to Dixie's house and waves off the driver's help, dropping his bags into the trunk and sinking into the backseat, once more scrolling through Ethan's tweets to him.

The words somehow hurt more the second time than the first, and Spud struggles not to lose it as he stares out at the streets rushing past them, pinching his wrist with as much strength as he can manage. It doesn't make sense, he continues to tell himself it's just an act, but he can't help the worry that maybe, somehow, Dixie had gotten through to Ethan, that his loyalty to the woman had turned him sufficiently against Spud. Their time apart had only succeeded at making Spud's anxiety worse, his paranoia growing with each breath as he gets out of the car and stares up at the house before turning to pay the taxi driver. After dragging his bags out, he ventures towards the house and groans faintly, stopping at the steps a few feet away from the front door.

He wants to see Ethan but he's scared to continue walking forward, his fingers digging into the handle of his suitcase as he gnaws at his lip and struggles just to focus enough not to completely drift away standing here. Finally he takes one, painful step forward and reaches out for the doorknob, feeling like a guest instead of someone who's basically lived here for months by now. Closing his eyes, he prepares to unlock the door when it is pulled out of his grip, his eyes widening as he looks up to find Ethan standing before him, a grin spreading across his face. "Spud," he says softly. "You're home."

Spud stares up at him, tenuous control over himself quickly slipping as he stares into Ethan's eyes. "I... I am," he murmurs, the mere act of speaking causing him to break.

Ethan's grin immediately falls and he steps forward. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He carefully reaches out for Spud and exhales when the smaller man all but throws himself into his arms, burying his face against Ethan's chest.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad by tweeting all of those people," he whimpers, tangling his fingers in Ethan's shirt. "I just... I wanted to acknowledge the fans and their kindness. After everything that's been going on lately, I wanted them to know how much it means to me to have their support. That's all. I didn't mean to annoy you."

Ethan exhales roughly, running his fingers through Spud's hair, smoothing out the blond strands. "I wasn't mad," he says softly. "I just... needed to do _something_ because Dixie has been on Twitter more lately and I knew she'd be keeping an eye on our activity. It was just part of the act." He cups Spud's jaw and tips his face up, smiling sadly down at him. "You do believe me, right?"

Spud searches his face before nodding, swallowing hard. "Yes, sir. I do."

"C'mon, let's get inside before someone sees us," Ethan breathes out, releasing him and guiding him inside before going to his bedroom, Spud following slowly behind him. As soon as the door is shut once more, Ethan turns and wipes the last few tears off of his face before hugging him again. "Better?"

"Much," Spud sighs into his warmth, snuggling closer. "Thank you, sir."


	13. Hurt

After that week's Impact, Spud's face is burning with pain and shame. He swallows and closes his eyes, purposely looking away from Ethan as they walk side by side to the hotel room. It's quiet and tense as Ethan prepares for his shower, slipping into the bathroom and leaving Spud to his own thoughts. Ethan is an entirely different person on TV, or in front of his aunt, and it's understandable, but it only serves to reinforce Spud's doubts and self-loathing.

He's still sitting there when Ethan leaves the shower, wrapped up in a towel. Although Spud would at least usually acknowledge his presence with a smile or a soft greeting, he doesn't even react as he gets up and collects his things before going for his own shower. Afterwards, Spud leaves for awhile, going for a walk, and Ethan watches him go with a sad grimace. He's sprawled out in bed and debating with himself how best to recover from what he's done to Spud when the door slips open and Spud enters the room, tapping the keycard against his knuckle before laying it down on the table by the TV.

Leaning against the closet door, he reaches in to touch the shredded front of his suit, stifling a sob that tears through Ethan like a knife. He's tempted to sit up and comfort him, trying to find the words to make this better, but he knows there's nothing to say. Spud turns and sits at the foot of the second bed, kicking his shoes off and wiping at his face, shoulders slumped miserably. He sits there for awhile longer before getting back to his feet and walking over between the beds, pulling his shirt off and laying it carefully over his bed before curling up next to Ethan on his.

Ethan bites his lip as Spud relaxes next to him, stuttery breath slowly evening out into sleep. He opens his eyes and peeks at him, staring at him with a mix of affection and sadness. "I'm so sorry," he whispers to him, reaching out and gently brushing the hair out of Spud's eyes. "I'll fix as much of this as I can. I promise you."

Spud's nose crinkles as hair brushes against it and Ethan slows his movements, watching as Spud rolls over and buries his face into Ethan's arm, allowing him to pull him closer and hug him. He eventually falls into an extremely restless sleep, waking up every little bit to check on Spud and, once the sun has started to light up the room, to wake up entirely and call his tailor to fix Spud's suit.

By the time Spud is stirring, the tailor has worked her magic and left behind a perfectly altered suit, there being no sign of his prior damage to the pocket. The grateful look on Spud's face makes up for the night of poor sleep, his voice soft as he thanks Ethan and hugs him tightly, drifting a hand over his suit in relief.

"You're welcome," Ethan sighs, brushing a quick kiss against the top of Spud's head, holding him carefully. "I really am sorry about last night. I'm just... I still have to sell all of this. It won't last forever," he promises.

"I hope not, sir," Spud breathes out, his eyes closed as he leans into Ethan's hold.

It's a promise Ethan knows he can't really make or hope to keep, especially with Dixie's anger not fading, but he's going to do his best to keep the man in his arms safe.

It's the best he can do.


	14. Rampage

_"Look, sir, look, I have my own shirt now," Spud exclaims, holding up the article of clothing and beaming at his best friend._

 _Ethan looks up from his phone and chuckles, standing up and running a hand down the front of the fabric. "Well, it's certainly blue, isn't it?" he asks, examining the bright blue fabric with_ I'm With Spud _embossed into it. "Matches your eyes, I'd guess."_

 _Spud flushes and pushes the shirt into his hands. "This is for you, sir. I... I hope it fits."_

 _He tries it on and grins when Spud's eyes light up at the visual._

Dixie looks frustrated. Admittedly, she always looks frustrated but this is on another level. Ethan's almost hesitant to approach her, but eventually his need to be a good nephew overcomes and he walks up to her. "Hey, Aunt D, how are you feeling today?"

"Awful," she grouses, adjusting the pillow she's leaning on. "Look at this." She thrusts her laptop into Ethan's arms and he looks down. "Spud's shirts are selling like wildfire! Who the hell approved selling that... _that_ nonsense in my store?!"

Ethan considers telling her that she had, when things were good- approved the mock up of the design, signed off on it once Spud had confirmed he'd liked it, had pushed for mass printing of the shirt, everything. But then she'd gone through the table at Bully's hands, had forgotten and now... now...

"I want it off of my website!" she snaps at Ethan. "Now!" Ethan looks confused as a devious scowl crosses her face, similar to the Grinch's face in that ridiculous Christmas special Spud likes to watch with the children every holiday. "No, wait a minute... I have a better idea... put it on discount, sell it out at the cheapest possible price. Then we don't have to pay him, and it'll be off of my site all at the same time. It's perfect!"

Ethan again is tempted to point out cheating Spud out of money cheats them out of money too but he knows the look on his aunt's face. Keeps his mouth shut, nods blankly and heads out to contact TNA's merchandise department. They sound as confused as he feels, but they go through with it.

Of course TNA's merch department is on the ball the one time Ethan needs them not to be, and tweets that Ethan is having Spud's destroyed. He blanches as soon as he sees the tweet, certain that that's something Dixie had added to this mess, but he can't consider that, Spud has already seen the tweet and RT'd it and... Ethan closes his eyes, remembering how Spud had reacted when he'd first been told he was getting a shirt. "Dammit," he hisses out a breath, grabbing his phone. He doesn't remember what exactly he says but apparently it's enough to fix what Dixie had done, putting Spud's shirts on discount like he'd originally planned and sparing them from getting destroyed outright. It's the best he can do for now.

Spud's hard to find, since it's uncomfortable for all of them to be around Dixie right now and nearly impossible for him to breathe without her making some comment or snarling at him, but Ethan finds him eventually at the nearby gym. He's sitting by the weights, staring listlessly at his feet, and Ethan grimaces, hating himself, hating his aunt, hating the situation as he walks over and joins him. "Hey." He rests his hand on Spud's knee, fingers pressing against the warm skin there, before pulling away. "Are you ok?"

Spud shakes his head, a low, short burst of motion that steals Ethan's breath away. "No, I'm not, sir," he finally says, his voice weak, plaintive. "Why do you want to destroy my shirts, sir?"

"I don't," Ethan says off of a hiss, gently gripping Spud's face and making him look up at him. "It's my aunt, ok? She wants them off of the website, but I fixed it- kind of. They're marking down the price, but none of them will be destroyed. I promise you." He strokes Spud's cheek, trying to smile but finding it difficult under the upset gaze leveled at him by those deep blue eyes.

"I loved that shirt," he exhales wearily and Ethan nods, heart pounding uncomfortably in his chest.

"I know you do, tiger. It's not going anywhere as long as I have a say in the matter."

Spud nods, his eyes slowly welling up. "I'm sorry I doubted you, sir. It's just... TNAshop twitter account said... and I..." He starts to tremble and Ethan, ignoring everyone around them, pulls him closer. Hugs him tightly and kisses the top of his head, making soft, soothing noises.

"I know," he murmurs. "I know. It's ok, anyone would've thought..." He rocks Spud slightly. "I'm gonna do the best I can to fix all of this, Spud. I swear."

"I believe you, sir," he says, voice muffled by Ethan's shirt.

Ethan exhales in relief and squeezes him a little tighter before loosening his grip. "What do you say we do a little work out, since we're already here, and then get something to eat? Sound good?"

Spud smiles as Ethan gently ruffles his hair, standing up. "Yessir, that sounds great."


	15. Truth

At TNA, things had been tense for quite awhile. It's an act, of course it is, and Ethan thinks Spud probably suspects the _why_ s and _hows_ of it, but he'd never explained it to him. He's been told to do it _now_ or _else_ and he knows his aunt is serious, so he doesn't have much of a choice if he values his career.

So here he sits, staring at Spud as he sleeps. Hair gleaming faintly in the light seeping in from outside, lips parted slightly as he breathes in and out steadily, fingers clinging to the blanket draped over his thin form. "You know this isn't easy for me, how things have been so tense and uncomfortable, especially on TV or at home," Ethan mumbles, digging under his fingernails. "I've tried to protect you, I've tried to keep my aunt happy enough so she won't fire you, but... I'm stuck now. My hands are tied. I'm not done looking for work arounds, but you're not going to be employed by my family anymore after tomorrow. I'm so sorry."

He sits quietly awhile longer, staring at Spud's motionless form. "I never meant for any of this to happen. I know she blames you for it, but it was my responsibility too, keeping her safe. Just like it was mine to keep you safe, and I failed at that too. Repeatedly." He runs a hand over his face and exhales. "I couldn't keep you from being arrested, I couldn't keep you from being attacked, now I have to fire you on national TV. It's not going to be easy, but I promise you I will make things ok, one way or another." He shrugs unhappily. "We will be alright, somehow."

He stands up and stares down at Spud as he sleeps on, reaching out gently to brush his fingers through Spud's soft hair. "Someday we'll look back on this and... we won't laugh, I guess, but it won't hurt. Alright? Somehow, it will lead to better things. You'll see. I won't let this be the end for us." His hand wavers against Spud's forehead as he kneels down and stares into Spud's face, his finger smoothing over Spud's brow. "Just hold on a little longer, alright? I won't blindside you with this, I'll tell you the truth before it actually happens... I just needed to practice here right now so I say it correctly... the way that will hopefully hurt you the least. Because I know you love my family, and you loved my aunt."

Ethan continues strokes Spud's face, relieved that he's such a heavy sleeper, especially after a lengthy session in the gym. "I... there's only one other thing that I want to tell you right now," he mumbles. "It won't help much, it won't change anything, but it is the truth." His fingers edge down to brush over Spud's lips and he sighs, imagining being able to feel them the way he'd like to the most. "I love you, Spud. And that's why I'm going to fight for you, ok? Things are going to work out. We're going to be fine, and whatever you want to do with your career once this is over, I'll support you the best I can."

He slowly pulls his hand away and stands up. "Rest well, Spud. It's going to be a busy day tomorrow." With one last look over his shoulder at the sleeping man, he gets into bed and closes his eyes, all too aware that sleep won't come anywhere near to him any time soon.


	16. Fired

"Rockstar Spud, you're fired!"

The words are a result of Spud finally stepping up and slapping Ethan, and as hard as it is to say them, it's even harder to turn his back and leave Spud behind. But he has to, because there are cameras all over, fans watching, and if Dixie gets word that Ethan's faking, that all of this is a big act, well. This has all been for nothing. So he makes his way back to his lavish hotel room and lays in bed, waiting. For a text, a call, maybe even Spud's plaintitive knock. But nothing happens, it's quiet and lonely.

Ethan figures that Spud's gone to stay with Borash, really sell this thing. Better that than risking them getting caught or something. He stares at his phone and an evil, wicked idea to further sell this comes to him. It's awkward to film the screen but he manages, confident that the visuals are good enough to explain what he's doing as he purposely brings up his twitter following list and finds Spud's account, clicking that "unfollow" button with no hesitation before ending the video as quickly as he'd started it. "I'll post that in the morning," he decides, putting the phone to the side and hugging a pillow, the activity of the day finally catching up to him as he settles in and closes his eyes.

The day dawns sunny and cheerful and he yawns, confused for a moment when he realizes he's alone, just to remember that Spud hadn't come back overnight. Yawning, he rubs at his eyes and stares at his phone, remembering. It just takes a couple of taps of his finger to upload the video to Instagram, tagging it appropriately. He chuckles to himself, hesitantly getting out of the comfortable bed to brush his teeth and get ready for the day. A need for some sort of breakfast calls to him and he heads downstairs to look for Spud, then go to Denny's.

He's half way through the lobby when he spots Zema and Robbie whispering to themselves in a corner and heads their way, slapping a hand on each of their backs, putting more pressure into Robbie's strike than Zema's, smirking when he staggers forward while Zema barely flinches. "Hey, guys," he says in his loudest, most obnoxious voice. Casting a quick glance around, he mumbles, "Have either of you seen Spud today?"

Zema casts a quick glance over to Robbie before clearing his throat. "No, we haven't seen him," he says simply.

"Besides, bro, you fired him, why do you care?" Robbie asks, sneering when Ethan's grip on his shoulder grows even more tense. He squirms away and steps forward, turning towards Zema. "I don't think we should tell him, I'd say he doesn't deserve it. Everyone calls _me_ scum, but look at him-"

"Tell me what you know," Ethan says, quickly losing his patience with the other man. "Now, Robbie."

Robbie glares at him, not appreciating being manhandled, but Zema steps in, pushes Ethan back from his fellow Broman. "Look, I can show you where he is, but... don't do anything, huh?" When Ethan continues to look unimpressed, Zema exhales and leads the way, through the hotel to the back exit. Spud is visible in his wild suit, which... he hadn't changed out of after last night.

Ethan swallows and stares at him, the pieces slowly coming together to form a picture he hates. "Has he been out here all night?" he demands. The weather isn't awful yet, maybe just a little brisker than even a week ago, but still.

"By what Borash told us, yes," Zema says. "Come on, Robbie." They go inside, giving Ethan a minute to collect his thoughts, think about what to do.

Squaring his shoulders, he trudges through the grass to the bench that Spud is slumped on and sits next to him. "Spud?" No response. Ethan turns enough to look at him and immediate pales. Spud is staring blankly ahead, his fingers trembling against his thighs, and there's no sign of any kind of awareness in his eyes. "Spud, hey-" He flinches when something drops and hits the ground, looking down to see Spud's phone resting there. Scooping it up, his horror only grows when he realizes that it's the video of him unfollowing Spud. "Oh shit. Spud, c'mon- c'mon, tiger."

Not caring about who might be watching, he hoists Spud up and carries him into the lobby, relieved when Zema holds the door open for him, and then takes his room card and opens that door too after a tense elevator ride up to the third floor. Ethan is careful, gentle as he lays Spud down on the bed and eases his jacket and shoes off. "Spud?" Still no response and Ethan rests his phone onto the bedside table, exhaling roughly. "I'm sorry," he mumbles.

"What did you do?" Robbie demands with that bizarre kind of angered protectiveness only he can manage, rounding on Ethan until he spots the video still loaded on the phone. "Wait, what?" His face positively falls. "Bro, you're a friggin jerk!"

Zema realizes quickly too, rewatching the video on his phone and letting out a hiss. "Damn." Even now, Spud is just laying there, eyes still open but not responding to anything being said or done around or to him. "Can we... do something for him?"

"Get the water in the door of the fridge," Ethan says, staring down at Spud. "He probably hasn't ate or drank anything since... I don't know when. If he's been... out there since I... fired him, well."

"Why _did_ you fire him anyway?" Robbie snaps while Zema goes to find the water. "None of this makes sense, bro."

"It's to get my aunt off of our cases," Ethan exhales. "I have a plan, kind of. I just... had to see this stage of it through."

"And you didn't explain to him?" Robbie demands, his nose flaring angrily when Ethan remains tellingly quiet. "Idiot." He steps back with Zema, watching as Ethan takes the water and helps Spud into a sitting position, urging him quietly until he sips sluggishly from the bottle. "We should order some room service, gotta feeling it's going to be a long day," Robbie mumbles, nudging Zema towards the hotel phone.

Ethan remains with Spud, briskly rubbing his arm and helping him to drink, lost in thought. The food comes eventually, piles of sandwiches and french fries, some chicken and mashed potatoes. Ethan shreds the chicken into pieces and experimentally holds it up to Spud's mouth, not too surprised when he starts by nibbling at it, slowly taking bigger bites and bigger bites until half of the chicken is gone. "Knew you had to be hungry," he mumbles, before realizing. Spud is trembling. No, not trembling, all out shaking against him. "Hey, hey-" Ethan quiets, realizing the looks on Zema and Robbie's faces from across the room and shifts so he can look at Spud easier. He's crying as he eats, tears pouring down his face and splashing against the stained dress shirt. "Spud? It's ok, Spud. It's gonna be ok." He wipes at his face with a kleenex, he tugs him closer and hugs him to his chest.

"Why did you fire me?" The words are shaky, rocked by tears, but audible in their pain and Ethan closes his eyes. "Why did you _unfollow_ me?"

Leaning in, Ethan whispers to him. Reminds him of his aunt, everything that's been going on lately, why this act is happening. Spud slowly calms and stares up at him, his blue eyes rimmed in red somehow making them more intense. "Alright?"

He nods, sniffs and looks around. Flushes when he realizes Zema and Robbie have seen the entirety of his breakdown. "Oh, bullocks," he mumbles.

"Don't worry," Ethan says lightly. "We're all friends here. Right?" he asks with a warning glance towards the Bromans.

"Of course we are, bro." Robbie hops up and drags Zema to join him. "And friends know when to eat and run. Thanks for the room service, we'll see ya around!" Ethan rolls his eyes but says nothing as they dash out with the remaining sandwiches and fries.

Sitting back down, Ethan tugs Spud closer to him and they split the rest of the chicken and mashed potatoes, Spud's head resting on his shoulder. "You can't do this kind of thing again, Spud," Ethan mumbles into his hair. "Not eating and hiding away from everyone outside for hours... I know this sucks but if something happened to you because of me..." He cups Spud's chin and stares down at him. "Alright? Next time, go to Borash, go to... I don't know, anyone. Just don't put yourself in such a risky position, ok? Promise me."

"I promise," he says faintly and Ethan grabs the water for him, watching closely as he drinks. "Thank you, sir."

Ethan kisses the top of his head. Tries not to think about everything that lies ahead of them.

This is, unfortunately, just the tip of the iceberg.


	17. Solo

It's annoying. With everything going on, Ethan has to go to Japan alone. He doesn't want to leave, he doesn't want any of this, but it's required of him. His aunt won't let it go, so Ethan packs for the trip, trying to keep the bitterness off of his face in case the staff might pass by and see, say something to her. Spud is around somewhere, and the thought of running off so far away while things still feel so tenuous between them makes him feel sick deep down inside.

Ethan gets no time with Spud that evening, however, Dixie insisting on a full Carter meal to see Ethan off properly- his flight is ridiculously early in the morning, so this is the best time for all of them. Well, all of them except for him of course. He indulges her, however, seeing the pain on her face from her lingering back injury as she stoicly sits at the dinner table for the first time in awhile. It's late by the time everyone's left, his cousins eager to talk to him about his prior Japan visit- he has to fight to keep the grin off of his face when he remembers some of the nonsense he and Spud had gotten into over there, their tag match against Tajiri and Kodama. He knows better than to mention any of that, noticing Dixie's eyes locked on him warningly whenever he opens his mouth to answer the questions volleyed at him.

Finally the last of his cousins wave goodnight on their way out of the door and he's allowed to leave, slipping into his bedroom with a sigh. He shoots off a quick text to Spud, figuring he's spending the night at Borash's, which had become kind of a homebase for him whenever things were especially bad with Dixie. When he receives no answer, he checks the clock and cringes, startled to find that it's well after midnight and his flight is in six hours. "Damn," he mumbles, kicking his shoes and clothes off, slipping into bed and trying to sleep.

Most of the hours are spent staring up at the ceiling, so he's a red-eyed mess by daybreak, but he can't sleep and he won't go to the airport without seeing Spud, so he tries sending another text before collecting his luggage and a clean shirt, putting it on as he walks as quickly as he can to his car without risking to wake the entire house up. He drives by Borash's and nods upon seeing Spud's car in the parking lot, turning and parking smoothly next to it before going to the apartment complex and hitting the button for Borash's apartment. It takes a few minutes, Ethan guesses he woke someone up when it buzzes and a crackly voice sounds through the intercom system above his head, "Hello?"

Just hearding that from Spud makes Ethan close his eyes. "Hey, Spud, it's me. My flight's soon, can I come up?"

"Jeremy's still asleep," Spud says quietly. "I'll come down, just give me a minute."

"Alright." Ethan shuffles from foot to foot, staring out over the quiet Nashville landscape before him, never really up this early to take it all in before. Not like this, anyway. He blows on his hands, which are kind of chilly in the blustery wind, but all discomfort is forgotten when a sleepy looking Spud joins him, eyes about as blue as the sky will be in an hour or so. "Mornin'." He smiles down at him. "Do you want to join me for a quick breakfast before my flight?"

He has two hours. It'll have to do, or he'll take a later flight. Whatever, Japan can wait a little bit on him. He's Ethan Carter III, after all. The way Spud's face lights up at the offer proves to him that he's made the right choice.

Within ten minutes, they're sitting across from each other at a Denny's- not Ethan's first choice, but it _was_ the first place they came upon open 24/7, so beggars couldn't be choosers- and Spud is half-slouched, breathing in his coffee like that alone will wake him up. "I think you should try drinking it," Ethan says with a chuckle, watching as Spud makes a face, drops some sugar in, stirs it up, and then sips, the caffeine kicking in quickly as he sits up a little taller. "There ya go."

Spud nods, actually making eye contact with their waitress when she comes up to take their order. Ethan gets some overly meaty option with eggs and toast on the side, not that surprised when Spud goes for a stack of pancakes almost taller than he is. It makes for a great visual once the food arrives and Ethan chuckles, holding his hands up innocently when Spud stares at him suspiciously. "Some things never change," he says in lieu of explanation, tilting his head towards the mess of syrup, butter and pancakes covering Spud's plate.

"No they don't," Spud says, casting a pointed look at Ethan's ham-bacon-sausage ladened dish. Ethan smirks at him before picking his fork up, digging in happily. "So what's up with the early breakfast, sir? You usually don't bother getting up until twenty minutes before your flight," Spud teases him.

Ethan pauses over his meat for a moment before looking up at Spud. "Well, I'll be in Japan for a few days and... I'm going to miss you. I _did_ miss you last night, so I thought this might be nice."

Spud swallows, eyes wide in shock at Ethan's frank honesty. "Oh. Well, yes, sir. It is nice." He fumbles with his napkin, suddenly barely able to meet Ethan's eyes. "I'm going to miss you too. Last year was... very enjoyable."

Ethan nods. Reaches out and takes Spud's hand loosely, willing himself not to care about who might be looking, could possibly rat on them to Dixie. Just for a few moments. "It was. I wish you could come with me this time."

Spud smiles at him. "Maybe you'll actually get a jacket this time around."

Ethan scoffs, rubs his thumb over Spud's knuckles quickly before pulling away. "Damn, I've pretty much given up on that. That stupid shirt."

Spud laughs. "I still have mine."

"So do I," Ethan admits, grinning back at his best friend. They eat in silence for awhile longer before Ethan sighs, glancing back up at him. "Take care of yourself while I'm gone. Stay with Borash, Mandrews, anyone you have to. My aunt _should_ leave you alone, but if she doesn't... well, I'll do what I can when I come home, but in the meanwhile..."

"Understood," Spud says, voice suddenly dry and weak. He sips from his coffee, tries to look strong. "I'll be fine, sir."

"Of course." It's a whisper more than anything, but Ethan makes sure Spud's heard it. "You're my tiger, so you're strong enough to handle all of this."

Spud nods at this, swallowing hard, and Ethan smiles sadly at him. "We should move, sir. Your flight's in about an hour now."

"Yep," Ethan admits, glancing down at his watch before eating the rest of his eggs, Spud following suit with most of his pancakes although Ethan's pretty sure his appetite's faded away as quickly as Ethan's had. "Come on." They walk side to side to the car and then Ethan holds a hand up, stopping Spud. "Come here."

Spud turns towards him and then grips his shirt tightly when Ethan hugs him, neither willing to let go of the other too quickly. "Safe travels, sir."

"Mm hmm. I'll be fine. Don't worry." Ethan ruffles Spud's hair and grins at the annoyed look he shoots up at him before pushing him lightly towards the passenger's side. "I'll drop you back off at Borash's before I go."

They exchange a glance once settled in the vehicle and Spud nods, gaze fixed as Ethan catches his hand again and gives it another quick squeeze before turning his attention back to the road ahead.


	18. Twitter

From where Ethan can see him across the room, Spud looks pale. It's been a couple days since Ethan's unfollowed him on Twitter, and he's tried to explain it to him again and again, but every time Spud touches his phone, accesses his Twitter app, the reality of the situation is there. No matter how much sense it makes, it still hurts him to know that his best friend can't even acknowledge him on social media because Dixie's always watching. Not that Spud's made it easy to explain to him, constantly slipping away before Ethan can catch up to him at events.

"Hey, Spud-" But the man's already gone and Ethan huffs out a breath, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "Come _on._ A conversation wouldn't kill you, would it?" He waits, bides his time until the show is over, and finally manages to corner him outside in the parking garage, careful to make sure no one's watching. "Come with me," he says, gripping Spud's hand and drawing him away into the dark of night.

Spud looks leery but follows along quietly, his hand soft and warm against Ethan's. "Sir, I don't know why you keep trying to talk to me. If you've unfollowed me on Twitter, then clearly you're either worried about your aunt, or just- just sick of my presence, so why-?"

Ethan doesn't care where they're at, or how close to the arena they might still be. He stops short and grips Spud by the arms, staring down at him. "No, no! Spud, come on, you have to know- I'm not, I've never _been_ sick of your presence, ok? I just- I had to unfollow you because... like you said, my aunt is always watching, or having people watch. Even us out here, talking like this, is risky as hell, but you kept avoiding me and this is all I could think of." He gentles his grip on Spud's arms and lightly strokes his skin. "Listen, I know things suck all around right now, but it won't last forever. She'll calm down, or move on, or both, and we can relax a little bit. Just hang in there a little longer, alright?"

Spud nods, watching as Ethan casts a quick glance around before gripping his chin softly and pressing a quick, gentle kiss to his lips. "I guess we need to go?"

"In a second," Ethan sighs, leaning in to kiss him a little longer, a little more thoroughly. "Ok, now, we gotta go," he says, staring at Spud for a moment before pulling back and kissing his forehead. "I'll see you soon, Tiger."

Spud nods, fingers resting against his lips as Ethan winks and pulls away, heading back towards the parking structure. "See you soon," he murmurs, walking slowly after him.

This at least seems to have encouraged Spud because, for the next while, whenever Ethan wakes up, it is to find various tweets from Spud to him, enough to make him smile. Get him through another day of dealing with Dixie's vitriol towards their former employee.


	19. Cool Kids

A/N: I have a ko-fi page now! If you want to help me stay caffeinated to keep the words flowing, my account name over there is corneroffandom. Thank you! Either way, enjoy the chapter.

Ethan sighs, resting his head against the hard wood of his hotel room door, rolling his neck in an attempt to ease the tension there. He's tired, it's been a long night- made somehow worse by Spud not being by his side this evening. It was just a houseshow and Dixie had made it known how she felt about Spud working anything outside of TV events- the more eyes on Spud getting humiliated and hurt by Ethan's callous act, the better. Live events weren't enough to sate her need to see him down on his luck. So, although Ethan had paid to have Spud flown out, he'd had to remain back at the hotel room all day.

He hates all of it- having to hurt Spud so publicly like this while Spud is still struggling from the after affects of the time he'd spent in prison. But his aunt was hurt too, though it wasn't Spud's fault, and Ethan's not sure what to do with it all just yet. Saying and doing painfully hurtful things to him to make her happy, sneaking around and struggling to walk this tight rope between the two people who mean the most to him... Ethan knows it can't last forever, but for now, he's trapped in a haphazard attempt to keep Spud by his side, to keep Dixie from firing him.

He groans and finally unlocks the door, blinking when he finds the room dark, the only sign that Spud's still here being music drifting quietly from somewhere nearby. He exhales and walks inside, hesitating at the door as he looks around the decently sized suite. Two beds, a side room with an entertainment center, and an impressively sized bathroom that they'd both taken turns with the night before, Ethan almost falling asleep in the hot tub because it'd felt so good against his sore muscles.

He bypasses the empty beds and leans against the entrance to the side room, frowning through the darkness as he tracks the music he can hear- somewhat familiar, a pop song that he thinks he's heard on the radio lately. He shakes his head, not understanding why everything's so dark, when he spots Spud slumped on the couch across from the TV, fumbling with his iPad, where the music is coming from. When he looks up, Ethan sees the exhaustion and sadness on his face, and finally the song clicks with him.

Echosmith's Cool Kids. A song about the struggle to fit in, the need to be accepted by those around you who might be more popular, stronger, richer. Ethan swallows hard and takes a minute to listen to the lyrics before walking into the room and sitting down next to Spud, his brows furrowed as he spreads his hands out over his knees and digests the song, the look on Spud's face, everything about this moment that would normally send him running the other way. Spud lets the song die away this time without making it replay, and Ethan glances over at him. "Hey."

"Hullo, sir," he says quietly.

Ethan reaches over and lightly pries the device from his hands, staring down at it. "Do you..." He licks his lips. "Do you do _this_ often?" he wonders, unsure how to word it without hurting Spud or offending him. The image of Spud regularly listening to songs like this one tinged with yearning and pain in the dark, all alone, eats at Ethan, leaves him tightening his grip around the iPad until he hears it creak warningly.

"This?" he asks quietly, though Ethan thinks he knows what he means. "No, sir. Not often. I just... needed something to take my mind off of things, and I suppose this song resonated tonight."

Ethan nods slowly. Puts the device down and turns to face his best friend. "May I?" he asks, holding an arm out. When Spud nods, he relaxes a little and wraps his arm around Spud, drawing him close carefully- not wanting to scare him, but needing to hold him for a minute. "You know, everything in that song- people walking in a straight line, driving in their fast cars... I'm glad that's not you." He presses his face into Spud's soft hair and inhales for a second. "I've known people like that my entire life. It's tedious and boring. You're real, and you never shy away from who you are, and I like that." He pulls back and smiles down at Spud. "You're pretty much the coolest person I've ever known."

"Sir," Spud mumbles, face flushing the longer Ethan stares down at him.

"It's the truth, Spud. All of us so called 'cool' kids would be lucky to be half as amazing as you are."

Spud's eyes are darting here and there and he clearly doesn't know what to do with anything that Ethan is saying or doing, so Ethan eases back and gives him a minute to work through his thoughts and feelings, thumbing through Spud's music library quietly. After a little bit, Spud inches closer and rests his face against Ethan's shoulder, looking at the songs piled up on the screen there. "Thank you, sir," he mumbles, still sounding a touch uncertain but better than before.

Ethan smiles. "Any time, Spud."


End file.
